I thought you were stronger than this..

This is the second blog I wrote for the night.I have morning flight and yet I'm still awake.The feeling of sleeping with someone and you can feel the distance...is like so near yet so far.

I was told not to publicize my personal life but I just don't know where to let it go.Its like there's a huge gigantic rock in my heart that I could not let go.Everything seems to fall apart seems like falling on me that I cannot take that impact on me.

I downed two glasses of white wine and a shot of whisky and I don't even feel high at all so that I could sleep.

After so long,I thought I wouldn't do that to myself anymore and this time.....I repeated doing the same thing again,trying to control myself hurting myself lesser this time because I know I got someone to live for someone I always think he's the one and someone I want to die only in his arms-only if he knows.

I tried to cry it out I tried to shout.....I just couldn't I don't know why.I wish I could say how I am feeling now out loud but there's no one here to listen to me.

Jessica Chen, I thought you were stronger than this.

~JeSsC~